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 Post subject: FLYING TO-N-FRO ARUBA
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 2:38 pm 
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Airplanes are interesting places. They transport people long distances, yet confine those being transported to a relatively small area and most of the time, a specific seat. As it applies to planes coming from or going to a vacation destination, their human cargo is different. They are being transported so that they can go and get away - kind of a triple getaway. One on a plane the other to an island and the last one is a mental getaway. However when in that tube going back home things change a bit. No more dreaming about huge casino ‘wins’ since by now your money is lost on the green felt on the tables or to the not-needed gaudy watch on the wrist.

These airborne silver tubes go through the most amazing functionality changes. On the ground before takeoff, they are a prison. During takeoff they are an excellent place to pray (quickly of course) and to look out of the smallest windows on earth. Once leveled out the speech comes on like a broken but interesting record.

“Good afternoon folks this is Captain Bitchinflier and on behalf of Half-Ace Airlines, ground crew, Operations department in Houston, the wonderful folks that cater our craft with yummy nothingness, the stewardess, my parents that always stood by me, the nice cab drivers on Aruba, my gal-pal in St, Nicholaas and my half-aced co-pilot Bobby Batsit, (here he takes a deep breath) I would like to welcome you to flight number 6458721548832FLI-HI-4587911 to Newark via San Juan, Miami, Athens, Moscow and New York. Flight time is speculated to be 3 hours and 17 minutes plus 34 seconds, depending on wind conditions. At about this time, the stewardesses are walking the isles anad saying something along the lines of fee-cla-wtrorbr. After 39 years of flying I finally figured what that noise is. Coffe, Cola, Water or Beer. Amazing what daily repetition while working at a job you really love does to you.

Anyway within the cocktail lounge in the sky (kids invited as long as they sleep) emotions start to come out of hiding. Happiness, doubt, fear, longing and a mess of other heart-tuggers start to invade our Oxygen starved bodies and all of a sudden, that one little drinkie goes to the head and VOILA sentiments set in. If during that time you just listen and look – a world will open up to you. A world of sounds and statements and people looking at each other. It sounds like …

“Tell me honestly honey, do you think we did the right thing? Yeah – we did and it isn’t for us alone it is for everyone in the family. You sure we can afford this? It’ll be hard in the start but you have the promotion coming next summer and I am getting a raise before Christmas. Did you look at the book yet? No. Here look. Wow, all of those places! I wonder what our baby will say when he is old enough to travel with us? He’ll love it.” Without turning your head, you know that they bought timeshare somewhere and at that moment, that split second in that tube in the air cocktail lounge, you remember the flight back when you did the same thing.


In front of you another conversation is going on and She starts by saying …Do me a favor? What? Stay like this. Stay like this other-person that you are when we are on Aruba. Take me for walks on the beach and talk to me more. Touch my face and look at me like you did when we were kids and again two nights ago over dinner. I felt so special. A male voice says - Hey babe – you know I love you – I just get so tired and stressed. She says – Did you miss the kids? He says – Yes and no and the “no” part makes me feel guilty. She says “Know just what you mean”. He looks across her face to the window and notices her eyes are softly wet. What’s wrong babe? Just some Aruba rain that I want to leave behind – that’s all.

Way up front --- John! Grab JJ before I get to him and kill him. What happened? He just spilled coffee all over me. Call the stewardess. She is here and I am still going to kill JJ - John come and get him now OK JJ? Where are you? A small voice says I am here hiding from Mom. She wants to kill me… Where? Here and about then it comes again….

“Good afternoon folks this is Captain Bitchinflier and for those of you sitting on the right hand side of the plane, just look down and you will see a lot of water. For those of you on the right hand side, well … plenty of water there too. Naaah just kiddin and on behalf of “Half–ace and flight 6458721548832FLI-HI-4587911 to Newark via San Juan, Miami, Athens, Moscow and New York I just wanted to let you know that the weather over Moscow will be a bit cold and the original flight time of 3 hours and 17 minutes plus 34 seconds, depending on wind conditions, of course – is now changed to 12 hours and 19 minutes plus a second or two – depending on delays and gas time.

A long legged lady in uniform walks by uttering fee-cla-wtrorbr and miraculously a guy in row 4 says “I’ll take one”.

About the time you decide that you need to go and brave the flying toilet room, you look back and notice the line of guys all waiting to go in and miss. Oh well. You go back and stand in line with Panama Joe shirts and white leather brimmed hats and look at freckled executives. The business guys fly in White Bermuda shorts, a belt made possible when an alligator bit the dust, Kenneth Cole Loafers and a Madras shirt produced in Haiti by Ralph Lauren. The Rolex watches are big and the graduation ring from Harvard or some other such expensive school dominates one of the fingers (mostly the wedding ring one to hide it). These guys are squeezing the last moment of enjoyment out of life because in most cases – life is not a joy back home. It is pretend and they are good at pretending. That said, they just had 7 days of the real deal and for them Aruba is not an island – Aruba is a mind-set and a place where their success (or lack of it) is not important. What counts is the smile and the willingness to just enjoy. Yet here – in preparation for entering their pretend world once again, the poor crocodile is wrapped around their waists while the shorts they wear are sticky with starch and the large freckles sit under highly sprayed hair so they look just right just incase they just happen to run across the client they just nailed before going on vacation. For them, the world is a just place indeed.

The sky-ride goes on and if you take a second to listen, the cocktail lounge becomes something else entirely. Give it a try

be well
charles


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:41 pm 
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Captain Bitchinflier and on behalf of Half-Ace Airlines, ...........my half-aced co-pilot Bobby Batsit


Hey, I've flown with them before!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

A good one, Charles, and how true!!

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:20 am 
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I just love reading your stories!

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 10:56 pm 
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What a riot! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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